You Should Never Hold A Fart In, According To Science
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Did you know there’s an actual reason why you should avoid holding your farts in?
I didn’t, but boy am I glad. See, I’m a farter. Not exactly a proud one, but a farter all the same. No matter what the situation or context, if it’s happening it’s happening. Like a foot-long meatball marinara on payday.
Just the other week I farted, willingly, three times on my good friend’s knee while squeezed next to each other on our mate’s sofa.
Audibly appalled the first time, it didn’t stop me from unleashing another two on him. I was later publicly shamed for doing so in front of a room full of other people.
It also pains me to say I consciously tore one last night in front of my girlfriend. She laughed it off, though, which only made matters worse cause it spurred me on. There was an apology.
But there shouldn’t have been. I should have gone: “You know what? Forgive me for not wanting hemorrhoids or a distended bowel. ‘Cause that’s what holding in your trumps could give you.”
Well, at least in worse case scenarios. But how is holding them in, strong or weak, ever a good case scenario? Let me fart alright.
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